huddles

2006-09-03T06:12:00.000Z

i have not updated for quite a while. and while i can't say nth has happened, i cant say tt nothing has either. hee.

may n i hung out for the first time ever. and it was nice to jus sit, pig out and talk - sth i used to do a lot with elaine. may has come to be a really special friend. ilike. (:

harj i guess is not having it very easy but i have faith tt she'll get thru it. its funny tt i truly do feel for her but hold no animosity for the other. i guess i truly believe tt all this was not supposed to happen, not this way at least. i rmmbr looking at the two of them and to some extent envying what they had, hoping tt i'd hv someting jus as special someday.

i guess love isnt supposed to hurt, it isnt supposed to suck, if it does than its not wat we need. i hope harj draws strength from the fact tt there are quite a few ppl out there who care for her immensely.

well, i'm happy to report tt the man and i are doing good - i've never felt happier and safer with anyone else. i'm on top of the world and i wish i cld get ayn n harj up there with me too. its weird how i feel for harj n yet sympathize with ayn.

anyways, met the man yest and had tonnes of fun (:
well, i believe, now, tt its jus me n u.
for always, i hope.

<3

my plea for companionship?

2006-08-25T03:05:00.000Z

the last couple of days have been pretty trying. and it made me think about the importance of friendships - the ones being forged and those that have stood the test if time and yes, PMS. haha. i remember the time in SR when i used to scramble around school with elaine, laugh profusely, yes, even in the worst of times, she's managed to (sometimes forcefully) put a smile on my face. and i guess, that is one reason i've always found it relatively easy to move on. (the other reason being tt i rarely get emotionally involved with anyone.)

and i vividly rmmbr the time when i felt totally neglected by harj. that phase is largely over and i really do hope tt the girl finds something jus as beautiful and special.(note to harj : but u gotta love me mostest ok?)

to a certain extent, i think i'm rather desperate for this sense of belonging and companionship.

school in a couple of hrs. dang!
speaking of school, may's not in the same sw tutorial - she's having hers on odd weeks n harj n i are having ours on the even weeks. how sucky is tt? also, harj n i have two tutorials alone. tt pretty much means four hrs of potential misery and immense boredom.

the fireworks

2006-08-18T03:35:00.000Z

we sat on the grass patch, our heads tilted back, our faces wearing expressions of pure delight. the fireworks were spectacular. the little ones, the big ones, the little ones in the big ones, the sudden burst of colour in the dark sky, the little cuddles, kisses sneaked in between. the nyt was beautiful, the company even more so.

it was weird tt the most special people were watching the sky light up too, but we were all in different places - i was at marina bay with him, bern, kavee n the gang were at raffles place and kesh and faizal were at the bridge close to the fullerton.

ah. i miss the gang. school wld be so so much better if bern n elaine were there too. its funny how close elaine n i were and how, now, these blogs are like the only things keeping us involved in the other's life. oh, how i love that girl. (=

you make my world go round, yes u do, only YOU. <3

2006-08-16T03:44:00.000Z

yesterday, i had to travel 1000000hrs from pasir ris to clementi just to fill up my postal code. annoying. and sat was such an ass but, a sweet one at that. *laughs
P.S. sat, i'm very unlikely to kill/harass/yell at sha. but, at least, now we know he's scared of me. (:

went for a social work lecture on monday. ohboy. after an hour i could do nth but stone and doodle. also, i need to start getting stuff to read. annoying.

i believe tt may is in love w kavee and vice versa. and, i'm sure tt everyone who knows them thinks the same way too. so, pls, may n kav, do the world a favour and get together. i can't take the two of u apart anymore. hee! really, u guys are a match made in heaven - both are equally strange, enjoy making others wait, enjoy screaming for no reason. i know i'm making no sense but its cause i'm dreading to go to sch. haiz.

the man's outfield. no communication for 72hrs. die can. i think i've finally begun to appreciate how difficult it is for him to make time for all of us. so, i feel quite guilty for being overly fussy/demanding. i just love that boy la. (:

2006-08-12T03:59:00.000Z

i still can't get over the fact that school's about to begin. yes, i'm not all that excited. its not like i can't wait to be bombarded with work, exams, work, work, exams. *sheesh.

i saw kirsten on thursday. she's still as loud and as adorable as ever. i miss 2A1.

i went clubbing/sitting around/looking at the bartop dancers on wednesday. i know, i know, finally. hee. i have to admit, it wasnt tt bad. yes, even though i cant dance. but,i sucuumbed to the pressure and danced(if u can even call it tt) ten mins before leaving. hurhur.everyone was so much warmer than i expected. ilike! i even spoke to ayn and her sister. and believe me, that girl is so nice lah. (:

he's seriously the sweetest ever, even i find it hard to believe. its so special, the way he does the things tt he does. hohoho!

i'm gonna hold u forever.

<3

2006-08-06T06:34:00.000Z

the answer to all my prayers,
i'm so glad i found you.

life

2006-08-04T06:20:00.000Z

life is difficult. there are the mountains and then, there are the valleys. i guess the problem lies in making the best of a bad situation.

school's just about beginning and i really do feel that the holidays could have been that much longer. i already miss doing nothing. the long journey is the killer i have to learn to get used to.(: the saving grace is that i get to be with harjy all day. i hope we get the same lecture slots. if i don't then may and/or kavee would suffice - i'm not fussy.

what would hv made uni life near perfect is if the whole of 2A1 was together.. marcus and all. i mean what could beat the craziness of jac n kirsten, the senseless philosophies of daniel, the lameness that is marcus and the history genius - asya. i dearly miss running around with elaine, having berni steal my food, running to selina for econs answers and (a lot of the time) trying to kill bibi.

i get to meet the man tmr - yayness! and i think i'm totally in love w anishka. no, as far as i know, i hv no lesbian tendencies but she really is so warm. i like!

2006-07-28T05:47:00.000Z

its been quite a while since i last blogged. its like a lot has happened n nothing significant has happened all at the same time. but, i'm not complaining. (:

i met the man last sunday for lunch. hurhur. he had an issue with his pants. iknow iknow. he's so amusing. *it doesnt sound tt hilarious. oh but u should've seen the look on his face - priceless.

and then, for the first time ever, i was on the bus with one of his friends. who, by the way, wasnt half as bad as i expected. in fact, he was a total doll. yes, i like his friends. hee.

went for the nus physical too. ohmygod. 4 whole hours of doing nth but queueing!

for someone who hasnt blogged for two weeks, i hv nth interesting to say.

school in 9 days. dang!

2006-07-16T05:11:00.000Z

You taught me how to love,
What its all, all above
You never said too much
But still you showed the way
In my new, I'm watching you
Nobody else will ever know
The part of me that can't let go

I will give anything I own
I'll give up my life, my heart, my home
I will give everything I own

i just know heaven spent tt bit more time on you.
you mean the world to me.
well, if everyone else existed and u were gone, it wouldn feel right.
but, if the whole world was gone and u were left, things'd would be ok.
you are everything anyone cld ever want.

i love you.

not a part

2006-07-14T06:06:00.000Z

sometimes its just like i'm not a part of you.
maybe i'll never be.

memories.

2006-07-13T00:43:00.001Z

i was reading my previous posts and to some extent, i was able to re live my experiences - some sweet, some not so sweet. there were however, little things from here and there which made me think and evaluate the degree to which i have grown. also, there were little things said about this person and that - things which still stand true today. wells, here are some bits of my entries which still amuse me/ make me smile/ make me think.

1. 4 July 2005
and raja is the sweetest thing ever. well, we'll see yeah.. after the A's. *huge grin* though we really aren't that close, he's always come through for me and i love that about him.

i thought this was pretty interesting. i didn think we were ever gonna be much more than friends.

2. 10 July 2005
i've put up many different names on my blog. and, i've decided that there will only be a few that will always stay.
1) keshvin
2) harjinder
3) elaine
4) bernadine
5) raja
i know that these people are for always.

one year on, i have a new addition to this list
6) maygalai

3. 20 September 2005
he's the best. he's perfect.. to me. and, for the first time ever, i'm so sure.
its a good feeling.
its like euphoria.
its like being on cloud nine.
;)

now that i think about it, i see that its not like being on cloud nine. in fact its not like being on cloud nine at all. its like being higher. way higher.

4. 13 December 2005
i saw may today, in little india. her usual chirpy self.
i love may.
she was telling me how curry spilled on her pants.
she cracks me up.

things havent changed much. she's still pretty loony.

5. 25 February 2005i have not been a very serious person and while that's the way i am, i gotta start getting serious somewhere. that's prolly why i get over stuff real fast - i don get too emotionally attached.

now, that has really changed.

6. 6 March 2005
councillors are really adorable people, the BEST i'd say.

7. 25 May 2005
on the intellectual capacity of his literature students - "stupidity finds new depths."

the most classic one and my all time fav - "i as you what 2+2 is, and u draw me a map of a giraffe."

now, how can we NOT crack up during Mr Singh's lessons? i so so so miss him.

8. 16 October 2005
i'll dearly miss sitting at "the table" every morning and i'll dearly miss the way we take a million yrs to do things.

i rmmbr the crazy fits, my brilliant escape frm the mass dance. mostly, i rmmbr us always being there for each other.

9. 21 October 2005
stuff tt characterize
harj - hallelujah
elaine - the singh thing is ohso fine

things tt have proven unforgettable
harj - er mi tuo po
elaine - temmada
bern - kel is better than alfred
kavee - why premmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

10. 29 April 2006
to sat, "thank u for always always trying to make me smile."

11. 7 February 2006
he's all i want. and, as far as i'm concerned, i think tt's the way it'll be for a long time to come. he's my pillar, my punching bag, my love.

him.

2006-07-11T01:45:00.000Z

it really bewildering how some relationships end just like that, without heading down the slippery slope. perhaps, one partner does not realize the road to the end. its really outrageous the way someone can say to another, "i'm sorry, i don't love you any more." to some degree, its pretty scary to think how volatile things can be. its scary to think how one day, u myt be on top of the world and the next day, you're trying to pick up the pieces and move on.

and i wonder, would it really be possible for once lovers to just become friends, for them to flash a smile without some sense of melancholy.

its the longest time i've been seeing someone and the thought that someday it might end is really quite freaky. i mean, how do u get on without someone who's grown on you. how do u accept that his heart is no longer yours. how do u attempt to fake nonchalence when he tells u about this girl who has captivated his mind, imagination and possibly his heart? well, if it were me, as much as i'd really truly want him to be happy, i wouldn be able to be okay with being friends - sure, his and byes wouldnt hurt but i'm sure i'd feel this little prick in my heart each time i saw him.

the what ifs of the future are perhaps preventing me from wholly enjoying the now. he's everything i could ever ask for. and, each and every day it becomes increasingly difficult to think of letting go.

no, there is no trouble in paradise. in fact, things are as good as they could possibly be. its just that i see relationships falling apart around me because both parties aren't on the same wavelength anymore.

he's a part of my life; just a part i won't let go.

and he scores!

2006-07-10T06:18:00.000Z

i'm the last person i expected to blog about(or at least mention)football. i was rooting for germany. but, alas, they came in third. i still think tt they should've won. heh. i'm beginning to appreciate the game and i am in love with ballack. hee.

the competition i've enjoyed watching most has been beauty pageants. but, now, i think tt beauty pageants are kinda mundane tho pleasure to the eyes. i was just thinking, the purpose of these pageants are to crown the fairest of them all and that in itself is kinda flawed ryt? i mean if beauty is subjective and there is no common yardstick to measure it, how can there really be just one winner? there is no universal understanding that for someone to be beautiful she needs to have pouty lips, high cheekbones and deep set eyes.

my point being that, i think i enjoyed the world cup finals more any other competition. hurhur.

1 to 26

2006-07-03T08:49:00.000Z

1.harjinder
2.ayn
3.kavee
4.maygalai
5.mark
6.alfred
7.bernadine
8.marcus
9.keshvin
10.harvin
11.ravin
12.faizal
13.sathish
14.jacqueline
15.jesh
16.raja
17.carmen
18.imran
19.sony
20.heeru
21.kelvin
22.ming han
23.yian pin
24.sharadha
25.tanu
26.elaine

Have you ever kissed 11? (ravin)
hahahahhas. i dn think i would. at least not within the next century.

What's the best memory you have of 7?: (bern)
ah. the girl who STEALS my food. i know i know! the time when she showed me/wen i grabbed her 'naked blouse'. it was jus hilarious la.

Why are you friends with 9?: (kesh)
pls. we are so much more than just friends. we are like two sides of the same coin. hee.

Tell something juicy about number 2: (ayn)
Err. *brain dead*

What do you like about 6?: (alfalfa)
he's indon. he's like the son of this tycoon. he owns many plantations. and he's a total gem - my fav logistics partner. *alfred, i'm still waiting.*

Is number 1 attractive?: (harj)
she's more than just attractive. she's so hot, she's even make fire melt. serious!

What was your first impression of 5?: (markie)
I dint like him. i thought he was real cocky. but.. i came to learn tt he has a voice to die for and is someone u can always always count on. (=

Do you think 4 could kill someone?: (may)
she is capable of killing, definately. but, she's more of just an ant/cockroach kill. she picks on things smaller than herself. hee.

Is 16 your best friend?: (raja)
Best friend? oh pls. understatement. he's so much more than tt. in fact, hes like
mine mine and all mine. *laughs

Have you seen 15 naked?: (jesh)
nopes.i'd rather not too.i'll prolly feel like i weigh 856228pounds if i did. heh.

Has number 10 seen you naked?: (harvin)
err no.

Do you think 13 has a crush on you?: (sathish)
why not. hee. isn the whole world supposed to love me? *giggles

Who do you spend the most time with?:
1 n 16

What is the last thing you did with 8?: (marcus)
tease him and drew this whole "anatomy of A marcus" thing. even mr lyon was amused!

Have you ever been to 17's house?: (carmen)
nope. i think i'm on her 'stay out' list.

Would you ever kiss 12?: (faizal)
not under ordinary circumstances.

How do you know 3?: (kavee)
the head of welfare who was once cute and now just is kavee. argh.

Have you ever slept with 18?: (imi)
ewww. is this qn meant to traumatise me? i mean seriously.

Do you think 19 is sexy?: (sony)
im sexier. anyone disagree?

Have you ever liked 20?: (heeru)
hahaha. yea. i still do.

Where is the last place you went with 21?: (kel)
ahhhh. i dont rmmbr. bern's wshed away all my memories of kel.

Have you ever kissed 22?: (ming han)
*shakes head*

Have you ever been to the movies with 23?: (yian pin)
nopes.

Have you ever gotten in trouble with 24?: (shara)
hahhaha. nopes.

Would you ever make a move on 25?: (tanu)
i don think so. but, maybe. hee.

What do you and 26 talk about the most?: (lainey)
its always ------- ----. i cant say. she's afraid to get killed. hahaha.

a little flame.

2006-07-03T06:46:00.000Z

i miss the sound pitter patter of little feet and joyful squeals coming from the playground right next to my place - school seems to have got them locked up in their rooms with only their books for company.

i rmmbr the time when i couldn wait to grow up. apparently, i thought being a kid ws way less fun than being an adult. how wrong i was. i miss not having to worry about things, i miss the time i didnt hv to crack my brains over what to wear, i miss the time i didn hv to think twice about what to say of fear of sounding stupid. but, most of all, i miss the innocence which essentially is childhood - just being who u are, not bearing grudges and when smiles really indicated joy.

-------

i met the man on sat. well, i still think he's the most adorable thing ever. we did this little candlelight thing and downed quite a bit of ice cream. heh. wellwell. he was so totally amused by trying to pronounce the names of the dishes. he cracks me up la. yes, i'm still very much in my little bubble with my daydreams.

sue me.

(:

randomees.

2006-06-28T02:09:00.000Z

7 random facts about me.

i can't light a match.
i've never taken PE. yes, from pri sch to jc.
i need 9 hrs (preferably more) of sleep.
i can't sleep without my pillowcase.
my mind's good at processing strange thoughts. really strange thoughts.
i can't swim.
i run like baby godzilla. heh.

7 things that scare me.

fire.
god. (so, yea, maybe i sin a lot. heh.)
ghosts. (the white gown types)
the shadows of tree branches at nyt. (thanks to him)
losing a loved one.
the statement - "this is impt."
love.

7 random songs at the moment.
(why does it seem like my inner hopeless romantic has taken over? nyeh.)

you look wonderful tonight - eric clapton
at the beginning - richard marx & donna lewis
love generation - bob sinclair
you're beautiful - james blunt
save the last dance for me - michael buble
one last cry - brian mcknight
breathe - faith hill

7 things or people i like the most.

my family.
dogs.
my pillowcase.
my loves.
handphone.
holidays.
long evenings with him.

7 things i say the most.

yea.
uh huh.
rolls eyes. (i actually say 'rolls eyes')
whatever.
okay.
ummmmm.
really?

7 people to do this.
(be dolls and do it ok)

maygalai.
sathish.
*who else reads my blog. hmmm*
mark.
sharadha.
*goodness gracious me. this is tough. heh*
kavee.

ok, i think i'm brain dead. so, anyone'd do. (=

my sugar rush.

2006-06-26T01:54:00.000Z

the past few days have been..interesting.(for lack of a better word)my very healthy neighbour suffered a sudden but massive heart attack and passed away. his wife's grief was heart wrenching. i wish that i knew of a way to make it all better for her. pretty amazing isn't it - one moment, the ones u love are here and within a heartbeat, they may no longer be, how we take for granted the time we spend together, totally unaware tt it could be our last moments together.

-------

on a lighter note, i met the man after what felt like ages and we did the chocolate buffet. yes, the fullerton's choc buffet is a must try, the ultimate choc experience - needless to say, the atmosphere is splendid, complete with violinists. the choc fountain thing is jus fab! ooooh.

chocs on strawberris, chocs on pineapples, chocs on marshmellow, chocs in a cup, chocs flowing. chocs chocs chocs!

well, wat mede me really happy wasnt the sudden burst of joy after consuming lots and lots of chocs, it was the company. so yes,i had my sugar rush, jus tt it wasnt from choc consumption. hee.

we went to bk after the choc fest. i cant believe i was hungry after like 2 hours of chocs. yes, i'm becoming greedy. sue me.

(:

I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
Oh, just to be with you
Is having the best day of my life

tweedle dee. tweedle dum

2006-06-20T03:29:00.000Z

so, last nyt, i decided to do an entry and yes, the computer decider to get all screwy and delete the entry. hmph! anyways, i haven't blogged in quite a bit primarily because my life has been pretty uneventful. everything has been routine. heh.

the man's back in camp after a relatively long break, which in my opinion could've been longer. and things are back on track. well, what can i say, he really is my soma. hee. he seems to be settling in well and mark has been so nice - telling me evryth i needed to know about sispec.

well, my blog entries tend to revolve around him which myt appear pretty pathetic to some. but, really, i cant help it. its like i just can't get enough of him. hurhur. also, we've come a long long way n i never expected to come this far. put simply, i'm happy happy happy.

anyways, im really bored so i decided to do a few quizy things. (: yes, yes, i know i'm lame.

You Are Vanilla Ice Cream

Flexible. Easygoing. Classic.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

You are a Romantic Realist

Okay, so you fall in the middle.You know that love isn't like a greeting card...Yet you can always find a greeting card to describe your feelings.
You are the best of both worldsGirly yet independent, dreamy yet serious.Almost any guy can find balance with you.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic?

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

You Are Aphrodite!

A total shining star with a ton of admirersAnd no wonder: you live life to the fullest!When things get bad, you can easily take off to a happier placeBut occasionally, you need to deal with problems head on

What Goddess Are You?

when sorry isn't good enough.

2006-06-12T02:59:00.000Z

my defining characterestic about a year or so ago was tt i hardly lost my temper, hardly lost my cool, hardly cared abt what people thought of me and hardly dwelled on issues. now, its quite the opposite. i'm like super emo n pissing him as well as myself off.

that said, i feel like i'm totally losing it. i read btw every line(yes, even when there's no reason to) and i question things a lot. along with extreme paranoia, i'm pushing him away(involuntarily) and messing up the very thing i'd do just about anything to hold on to.

its like i'm holding in my hand, this very delicate, very beautiful feather. if i hold on to it too tight, i damage it. if i loosen my grip, the wind might just blow it away. yea, so maybe i'm in some lose-lose situation.

but, whatever i've said, whatever i've done, is not out of malice or cunning.

somewhere, deep down inside, i guess i'm hurting too.

i need a hug or a band aid.

)=

hello stranger

2006-06-09T03:41:00.000Z

i think i'm the most uninspired person on the face of the earth. tt being the case, i shall just proceed to tell random stories of my life or simply narrate my day. sheesh. yes, an entry cant get more boring than this.

yesterday, i mistook one imran for another and made a complete fool of myself.
also, kesh sent me some random sms which makes me wonder if he's gg to jail or sth.
we went ring hunting - tt was good.
we attempted to hv some alone time and jus at tt very moment, my mum demanded tt i find her xxxl rollers. its outrageous.

i miss harjinder. (harj, r u reading this?!)
i miss may.
no, kavee is not on my miss list. hee.

and i've grown up.

2006-06-01T04:22:00.000Z

it was not very long ago when i found pretty much every other guy cute and, that's something i've not been very proud of and sometimes, the emotional baggage is ridiculously overwhelming. looking back, i think i was just in love with the idea of being in love. i mean, who can say tt having someone to gaze at, to dream with and to share everything with is a bad thing? i guess, i was looking too hard. i was relentlessly pursuing 'love.' ha! and a lot of the time, cupid forgot to shoot his arrow.

as i reflect on where i was and where i'm at ryt now, i think tt i've grown up. and i've got one person to thank for that - him. well, he's made me see that u dont hv to fight for things tt are meant for u, tt u dn hv to impress and tt being yourself is pretty much enough. i'm so grateful to have him in my life and i think tt he'll always always always hv a place in my heart. yes, even if the story ends.

i guess i'm at the point in my life where i'm totally content with the who i have and the thought of deliberately hurting him or replacing him seems almost inconceivable. a relationship is no longer being with any weirdo or feeling warm and fuzzy all day. it has become sth about sticking together thru the good, the bad and the very very bad. i hv come a long way eh?

i'm not sure if what i hv now is 'meant to be' but i sure hope to god that it is. wat i'm sure of is tt he makes me happy. very very happy.
---------------

Time...
I've been passing time watching trains go by,
All of my life...
Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly
Wishing there would be
Someone waiting home for me...

Something's telling me it might be you
Yes it's telling me it might be you...
All of my life...
Looking back as lovers go walking past...
All of my life...
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place
Would I recognize the face?

Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah it's telling me it might be you..

So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake
And we've so much love to make
I think we're gonna need some time
maybe all we need is time...
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life...

I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there’s so much more
No one's ever heard before...

Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah it's telling me it must be you...
And I’m feeling it’ll just be you...
All of my life...

Maybe it's you...
Maybe it's you...
Ive been waiting for all of my life

it might be you. (:

happily ever after..

2006-05-26T06:21:00.000Z

my cousin's gonna get married real soon so wedding preperations are underway. this plus the two weddings under my block got me thinking about unions. i think tt weddings are the most beautiful and special of all occasions. i mean, what could be more special than witnessing two people, tied together by the little string called love, pledge their undying commitment and affection to one another. weddings tend to give me this fuzzy feeling ryt in the pit of my tummy and i cant help but picture the day when i would say ''i do'' as i look into his adoring eyes. yes, marriage is such a magnificent thing - a celebration of love, faith and loyalty. and yet, it is stunning how some of the most magical unions end in divorce.

i guess that relationships, just like marriage, are complicated affairs which require the devotion and perseverance of both partners. and, sometimes, tt's easier said than done.

love. how nice it would be if all of us knew who we were destined to be ith - tt way, there wouldn be as many wrong turns and all the heartache would be worthwhile.

destiny dictates.

2006-05-16T02:37:00.000Z

so, i was blog hopping (as usual) and i came across this very interesting entry on, you guessed it, whether or not unions are actually made above or if they're just about social creatures seeking out companions who are a lot like them. well, me, being me, was compelled to think about what the little statement 'a match made in heaven' meant to me.

man is a social creature who needs(most of the time) validation and love. its really interesting how schools and places of worship become meeting grounds for people and how people tend to gravitate to others who share similar cultural and social backgrounds.

albeit, not many people fall in love across continents. instead, they find companionship in people closest to them. i think tt that, to some extent is destiny at work. we all know tt distance sometimes kills blossoming love - so, isnt it pretty amazing tt we find 'the one' in people living close to us such tt it will nt be necassary for us to travel half way arnd the world to meet the special person?

ppl often seek variety and yet, when it comes to our mate, isnt it pretty amazing tt we find people who are similar to us and yet tt bit different such tt we complete each other, compliment each other and serve as a balance of some sort. dont u think a marriage would be riddled with obstacles and silly misunderstandings if the parties in concern shared nth in common whatsoever?

well, although, tt special person is usually just a face in the neighbourhood, i believe tt 'the one' is always put there by destiny. so, i guess tt i still believe tt, yes, lasting partnerships are, indeed made in heaven.

(=

them. my constants.

2006-05-05T02:19:00.000Z

some friends come and go. some friends stick around. some friends are true blue. some friendships are forever. many are not. i've crossed paths with so many people and yet, only a few have touched my heart. only a few bring back wonderful memories. to these people, ilu.

kesh - i've known since pri one. a true gentle giant. i'll always rmmbr how he's never too busy to be there. how he always finds it his need to protect me, his need to instill fear into any of my boyfriends. he has always been my pillar of strength.

harj - we've fought and fought and fought and fought but we're still besties. doesnt tt say it all?

elaine - we myt not be as close now but i'll always rmmbr the crazy arguments, the81 bus rides, the mee goreng. i jus hope she knows just how much she means to me and tt i'll always always always be there.

bern - steals my food, my money, my stationery and then makes me buy her jelabi. (=

mark - i still am grateful for him making me sit down and re think my priorities. he's always been there for me to talk to, to whine to and to push me to do what i have to.

alfred - the council president. hmmm. he's one very special guy. he's motivated us and cared. he's never been too busy to talk or to listen. my fondest memory w alfred was when we went to SA n he took my pasta n left some pasta suce on my shirt. hmph. alfred's the bestest. really.

kavee - i mean cmon, who else would let me pluck their hair and steal their shoes? the maniac who ALWAYS messes up my hair and will jus pretend to be listening wen he's reading some article about sex. nontheless, kavee's made my life tt bit more bearable.

may - maygalai, i just love. the super passionate person who develops tonnes of pics n yet never took a pic w me! *sulks. she's always scrambling arnd la. i lovelovelove!

him - is the special-est ever and each day, he gets special-er and special-er. he's always been there. he's always been like this blanket, he makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. and, he's always been there to catch me when i fall and to push me up when i find it hard to reach. another like him, i'll never find.

to all of u, u guys make life so much brighter. thanks.

and so i rant & rave. again.

2006-05-04T02:41:00.000Z

i've finally submitted by acceptance of the place offered to me in NUS-FASS. its so incredible how fast 5 months have flown by just like that. and how school is going to begin and how homework and exams are going to plague my life. sheesh.

he is gg for a field camp tmr which means one entire week without any kind of communication. dang!

my life is so boring.

someone save me.

please.

(=

and i think to myself.. what a wonderful world

2006-04-30T16:12:00.000Z

we've been travellin the rough road lately but, i'm glad to report tt we've dodged all the dead ends, all the 'points of no return.' its so amazing. he's so amazing. i've forgotten wat things were like before he came along and i dread to think wat they'll be like after he's gone.

but, thankfully, i think we're stronger than ever. he has captured my heart, my imagination, my mind.

everytime he's by my side, its pure bliss, its a feeling of total oblivion to the rest of the world.. its like a nice warm blanket. and everytime i'm with him, i cant help but thank my lucky stars for bringing him into my life.

yes, for better or worse.

and i come tumbling down.

2006-04-29T16:45:00.000Z

i feel my world caving in, everythin comes plummentin. the worst part is he doesnt see the problem, he doesnt see my point, he doesnt get it when all i really need him to do is to say he cares. he doesnt get how desperately i want him to care, how desperately i wannd be the centre of his world.

yea, ok, whatever. im so losin it.

grr.

2006-04-29T06:45:00.000Z

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.But you may be ready in a couple of years.You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's" Your Ideal Relationship?

You Are 33% Selfish

In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.

How Selfish Are You?

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out.When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life.
Your flirting style: Laid back
Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking
Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm
What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

You Are Apple Green

You are almost super-humanly upbeat. You have a very positive energy that surrounds you.And while you are happy go lucky, you're also charmingly assertive.You get what you want, even if you have to persuade those against you to see things your way.Reflective and thoughtful, you know yourself well - and you know that you want out of life.

What Color Green Are You?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.
You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.
You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back.
In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so.
Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.
And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.
You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.
It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

You Are 28% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.
At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

i want sky juice

2006-04-29T06:18:00.000Z

i met harjy yest after what felt like forever. it was so cool tho we did the lamest stuff. we were laughing like crazy over... yes.. u guessed it.. sky juice. ok, so we're easily amused. then we went to moe n got wet in the rain and then thought we got struck by lightning. so, we stood motionless on the road, wondering if we were momentarily dead, coming back to life after my phone rang. super lameness can.

ooooh n sat.. was a total babe tho he made me walk 20 mins AWAY frm where i actually wanted to go and was 'trust me. orchard is my playground.' HELLO. hahaha. yest was a funfunfun day tho it constituted mostly running or rather scrambling around.

to harj, thank u for truly always being there.
to sat, thank u for alwaysalways trying to make me smile. (=

i was counting on meeting him for a nice dinner and some quiet alone time after but i guessed our plans've gotta be pushed back. it makes me feel a little.. i dunno.. yes, i know im nt the most understanding person in the world. so, sue me. :/

no, i'm not ur everyday thief

2006-04-19T14:45:00.000Z

my ex is half alien with frequent menopausal symptoms and a queer love for all things purple. my first love? yes.

maybe i should stop going 'what if.' i wonder what could happen if i stop what if-ing. see, i just cant help myself.

i love the feeling of being in love - butterflies and all.

i don't understand the point of living if we all hv to die one day.

i lose myslf whenever i'm with him. corny eh? *my inner hopeless romantic has taken over

people say i'm short. yes, i know i am. but, don't all nice things come in small packages?

love is something that lasts a lifetime.

somewhere, someone is dying or struggling to find meaning in life.

i will always think i'm the re incarnation of einstein. really, i m.

forever is insufficient to be with the one u love.

i never want to ...

when i wake up in the morning i jus wanna go straight back to bed.

i get annoyed when ppl act all tough - like they're always right. ie, the centre of the universe.

parties are for acknowledging the good times n tt they dn really come along tt often. they are also perfect for fake smiles.

my dog is purple and has died 5 times in a year.

my cat died before getting to meet me.

kisses are best when they take u away from the world.

tomorrow may never come.

i really want to be able to make the world a better place. spread the love! but ryt now, i really want to be with him.

i hv low tolerance for ppl who think no end of themselves. who REFUSE to move in the bus thereby makin it impossible for athers to board and litterbugs!

yes, i stole this frm jac. and i'm nt ur everyday theif. really.

2006-04-18T02:50:00.000Z

i've finally managed to find a hassle blog skin n do up my very own taggie. (yes, i happen to be veh proud of myself ryt now. aft all, its nt everyday tt i'm so IT savy.*rolls eyes)

i was sitting in front of the comp, digging into the deep dark corners of my mind, trying to find something interesting or at least not-so-boring to blog about - given my wild immagination and lessthanexciting life, i think it'd be so much easier for me to make up an entry rather than to actually narrate the happenings of my life.

my life has been pretty dull but it has given me time to think and reflect, to put things into perspective. im nt sure why im often compelled to look back on my past, like an old photo album, to even make myself feel miserable sometimes by thinking about what is and what could have been.

i miss being in SR, being with the councillors, being with the gang. its funny how the'gang' started out with jus harj n me, n how, the others come and go but we stay. us two. to some extent, its reassuaring to hv someone i've known for so long by my side, watching my back. but, i cant help but wonder if things will always remain tt way.

the one thing i miss more than SR is BTS - khaophone, joanne, faizal, nep and my all time fav kesh! memories.memories. time really does fly.

the last time i got to see him was thursday. and i miss him so. but i'll only get to see him on saturday. hopefully. i cant wait.

dum dee dee dum.

army

2006-04-05T08:18:00.000Z

i saw berni the other day. i didn realize how much i missed her till i saw her. i miss harjy muchos too. harj n i have always taken the rough road. and somehow, we've always come out together n closer than ever. i can't wait to see the loves but tt'd only be happenin 24 days frm now. dang!

pasir ris - late. bracelet. 15. headache. parkway. dinner. east coast. howling lady. 37 picts.
dhoby ghaut. gorgeous alien. lunch. paint. sexay lady. axs machine. serangoon road. rain. big bites. hello panda. movie. cuddles. note. love. memories? yes, the best.

he'll be gg to the army real soon. too soon. but i guess, the sooner he goes in, the sooner he gets out. its gonna be so weird nt havin him arnd - not havin him to fight with, to whine to, to make everyth alright. ohwell. i'm nt exactly sure how things are gonna play out but i hope tt fate's gonna be kind to us. he's made me feel so much in such a short time.

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start
And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

love is a many splendid thing

2006-03-28T14:00:00.000Z

its amazing how a pretty ordinary guy in a heart beat could capture your imagination, your amazement and possibly your heart.

its amazing how ther's tis little feelin in ur gut tellin u to hold on. its fascinating how there's a force pushin u towards him n yet, when u're there, inches away frm him, u're afraid to do anyt, to say anyth, for fear of embarassment.

its amazing how you’ve loved before and yet it never quite felt like this.

its fascinating how, in tt moment you’re fascinated by everything about him, with how normal he is and yet how different and special he is.

and then, u're suddenly so much more aware of everyth abt him, even the little things, the way his eyes crinkle up, the shoes he wears, the clothes he has on.. and then.. and then.. it becomes all so mesmerising.

I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line

my shudder

2006-03-23T06:16:00.000Z

things hv gotten pretty messsed up again, thanks to urs truly. neither of us wants to give in. neither of us wants to accept what the other is sayin. or maybe/probably its jus me. im nt entirely sure why this is happening considerin how much i want things to work out. i guess tt the harder u try, the more difficult it is to get to where u're tryin to go.

''accomodate n compromise'' doesn seem to be workin tt well these days. im afraid cus i've come to depend, to need him too much and i wonder wats gonna happen when we reach the end of the road. the end. is it in sight? is it nearer than i think? i wonder. it breaks my heart. and yet, i've gotta pretend to be my willful nonchalent self. i've gotta act tt the very things tt matter most to me are things i'm nt affected by. and, its difficult. what i want is to be needed, to be wanted, to feel important.

i need a hug. )=

sittin w nth to do

2006-03-21T06:41:00.000Z

my list of grievances//

i still hv no taggie thanks to ms tangarasu. (=
the whole uni admin thing is pretty troublesome.
i havent seen lainey n berni for the longest time ever.

ive nt been doin much lately. of late, my life has been pretty much abt tv, food n sleep. *sulks.

i'm looking forward to tomorrow. i'm gonna see the loves. *beams

each day is a day closer to the end n its sth i dread because each n evry day, i discover sth amazing abt him - the way he ALWAYS loses an argument, the way he TRIES to roll his eyes, the way he puts on a really long face for NO apparent reason, the way he makes me laugh.
and every single day, he becomes tt bit more impt. yes, he's grown on me, like no one has. and tho, i'd want nth morethan to kill him sometimes, i'm beginnin to be unable to imagine wat things'd be like without him. he's my euphoria, tt little beam of light (=

beginning

2006-03-18T15:28:00.000Z

ive always wondered how the beginning of sth simply marks the start of the end. the thought has always been on my mind for no apparent reason. hmm. also, my blog has become a place for me to ramble about.. pretty much nth really.

and fungus.. we havent spoken much lately. our timing's so dif now. we arent exactly best friends or anyth but u've been there. and i jus want u to know tt now, i'm here. and whatever it is, jus know tt u hv got me n i'd be able to trivialize any prob. (u know tt =p) that said, frm now on, u better value me. *giggles

and i saw this little purple remnants of a card i received three yrs ago n i thought of sang. and for once, to one person, i wanna be the most impt thing. but, the odds of tt happenin is pretty much zero. yes, accomodate n compromise. somehow, tts easier said than done.. no?

my days out

2006-03-16T15:21:00.000Z

i havent updated in a long long while n i've been under pressure to update. (=

hmmm. elaine called today. after ages. i miss her muchie. mymy. i wonder if she brough me a hot guy from HK. ohwell. i cant wait to see elaine again.
so, last sun, harj, ayn, raja n i went for the open house in nus. after tt we went to do lunch and headed to the heeren (if this entry is turning out to be a narration of my lessthanexciting life, it really isn my fault. im so uninspired) to take some neoprint things. the three look hot. i'm jus lukewarm. *sighs. after tt we went to play pool. come to think of it, they went to play pool. i jus watched n watched n watched. but it was fun cus harj n i were cheerin the loves on. (ayn was the undisputed champion btw) *laughs.

and he brought me to the disney on ice show yesterday. i thought it was really entertaining but mum cldn see why i wanted to go watch a ''baby's show.'' and the route to the indoor stadium was creepy to say the least. *shudders. anyhow, my cam batt wasn charged n i hv absolutely no pics to rmmbr the nyt.

now tt i've begun applyin for the unis, i kinda miss school - the wakin up early, meetin harj at the bus stop, scramblin away from im. i hv the feelin tt the most challenging stage of my education is jus abt to begin.

and people. people are pretty fake. they say sth n do sth so totally opposite. if only we cld all be more genuine. things'd be so much easier. so much better.

i hope alfalfa's posted my diamond and deeds to my plantation already.
i also think may's in love w kavee. (= *dn bluff me may. i know!

n ive always wondered why most relationships arent jus about two people. (no, there's no trouble in paradise) they're about his frens n her frens n what they think n tt's what makes things so complicated n highly annoying. (jus another random thought)

a lvl results

2006-03-02T13:52:00.001Z

so the a lvl results hv been released. i guess tt means tt the battle begins. there are so many decisions to make - where i can go n what i want to do.. or rather, what i can do. also, SR's improved pretty significantly. yay! and i think its mostly thanks to our teachers - they've been fantabulous! (= my results weren't fantastic but they were better than i expected. but more importantly, harj n i had the same score so i'm lookin forward to another phase of my life with her. and he did really well. i believe bern, laine n asya did great too. so, congrats to all.

and i really honestly think tt markie the sweetest thing ever. seein him n yian pin again brought back really fond memories. *smiles

the man will be gg to ns pretty soon. and, i wish he didnt hv to. i've really come to need to hv him around. )=
but, i intend on stickin arnd.

a lvl results

2006-03-02T13:52:00.000Z

bored

2006-02-21T14:52:00.000Z

ive been really bored these past few days. tt aside, im think im losin the ability to speak n comprehend english as well as i used to. funny what the absence of nagging teachers and a daily dose of lecture notes can do for a person. hmph.

while almost everyone i know has got a job, im still aimlessly n pennilessly spending my time at home doing mundane things like watching tv or fighting with my brother for either the com or the remote control.

i miss council (not the part where we stay in school till 9 to scrub the bbcourt) and doing my best to (successfully) evade any possible participation in the mass dance. (i hv two left feet. sue me) yes, those were the days.

so, because everyone's workin(bern), madly in love(harj), or overseas(elaine) my new companions are my hp, the tv and the comp. somehow its not the same cus i cant go on teasin my handphone about bein in love with kel, the inability to pronounce "v" or tryin to get it to say TMD. *sighs.

vday

2006-02-15T12:00:00.000Z

so elaine's off to hong kong. hmoh. i'm gonna miss the weirdo. )=
kavee's back almost as mysteriously as he disappeared. (=
may asked if i was interested in becoming a TAMIL relief teacher which shows she's really lost it. (;

vday.. hmm.. i rmmbr last yr when i spent vday with the class - when we decided not to give bibi the stuff we'd bought her cus she was still mopin arnd n therefore majorly annoying us. n when harj bought those huge stuffed flowers which berni willingly carried arnd the whole day. the day elaine gave the recycled daisy to mr singh. haha. the day jitesh though imran was my boyfren *chokes. i miss school.

this year, somehow, vday was really kinda special. it was nth big and yet it was jus perfect. he is the best. im sure.

and ryt now i think im on cloud nine. no.. wait.. im not.. i'm higher (=

my miracle

2006-02-07T15:12:00.000Z

so, the o lvl results are gonna be out. tt is the cue for me to get depressed cus now its only a matter of days till the a lvl results are out. n seriously, i'm becomin a bag of nerves primarily because i think i screwed up. ohwell.

today, i realized tt yes, our rship may nt be a joy ride. in fact, its more or less a pretty rocky road at least 40% of the time. but really, he makes things so much more worthwhile. i realize tt like evry other relationship, this one will end too. but, he's all i want. and, as far as i'm concerned i think tt's the way it'll be for a long long time to come. my pillar, my punching bag, my love.

yesterday.today.tomorrow.

2006-02-05T07:35:00.000Z

Sometimes I sit and I wonder where I'm at and where I'm headed. The scary thing is that I don't really know. And I have absolutely no idea why I question things so much. I don't seem to be able to take things at face value anymore.

..............................................................................

I've wanted this for the longest time ever and now that I actually do have it, I seem bent on messing things up. No, its not intentional. I guess that somewhere, deep down inside, I feel that I'm not good enough, that I'm just second best - the substitute. And I dont know why I feel that way. But, I'm guessing that its a feeling I'll eventually outgrow.

my fondest memories - elaine

2006-01-22T06:57:00.000Z

the past 2 yrs hv been rather interesting. new friendships have been forged, old ones tested. of everything tt took place when i was in SR the ones i hold close to my heart are the little and perhaps even rather insignificant events - from elaine gushing about Mr Singh to Harj literally running off to her Special One.

but the little things i think about.. while they make me smile, leave me in deep reminiscence n even a tinge of lonliness. i remember gg to elaine's place and leaving traumatised by little Lewis n his rather spastic paw. i rmmbr lyin on the purple bed with stuff strewn all over n "You're Still The one" playin in the background n elaine tryin to figure out what to wear. nagging at me about anand. the evening of hearts. $100 blouse. shoppin for killer heels. Novena Church.

the little misunderstandings at school and the make-ups after that. the takin 81 to whitesands for lunch n to bitch. bugging me for my water bottle all the way. going to Pie Plus. Getting caught in the rain. giggling giggling and giggling. shopping at the Heeren. guy scouting. bra shopping. i miss all that. i miss elaine. *sighs

n the one thing tt makes me kinds ok w the way things are now is ereJ. the fact tt he's always there. yes, he's my anchor n i'm grateful for that.

i bumped into may yest. apparently, she was gg to see a "fren." hmmm. haha. n kavee seems to have disappeared.

2006-01-17T09:19:00.000Z

its been quite awhlie since i blogged. i'm nt the world's busiest person but the urge to blog was much greater when the dreadful A's were going on. i've tried lookin for a job but everythin's jus so sales oriented. also, my parents want me to live off them forever so i doubt i'll be doin some serious job hunting anytime soon.

life has been pretty uneventful but i cant exactly say tt its all bad.
i was listenin to "that's wt frens r for" earlier n the evenin of hearts comes to mind n i remember the class which makes me totally miss elaine. n, i do hope she knows tt.

anyhow, i guess harj n i are closer than evr (tho she's pretty much always busy) but still, it feels pretty good.. old friendships. i miss keshy lots bt i dn seem to be able to find a time wen the both of us are free to go watch a movie n pig out.

and this is a little note of thanks to the other someone who listens to me whine n tries to make me feel better.
"its funny how we started out - me thinkin u're totally weird n nt wantin to hv anything to do w u. well, now, i can safely say tt, indeed, u've been pretty incredible. yes, u cld say tt u've kinda grown on me (a bit like fungus) but mostly good. haha."

the man n me. hmph. nw, tt's sth tt has bn pretty rocky. but, i'm sure tt things will sort themselves out. other than tt, life's quite alright. :)

she pretended

2005-12-13T14:47:00.000Z

in the guise of a friend - an all caring, 'i want the best for u' kinda disposition- she lied. i trusted her n she knew tt but she did it all the same. i thought i was pretty nonchalent about it but now i know i'm not - i'm bitter. i'm not upset about what she did, i just dont know why she did it.

there are a lot of things i wish i didn do, i wish i didn say. but the what if's are just a huge waste of time. and i'm thinkin n thinkin n thinkin abt it and i'm fully aware tt i will therefore prolly be a gazillion times more depressed than I ever was initially. I suspect I might just be like one of those many people around, constantly making themselves feel miserable and pathetic deliberately.

on a much lighter note.
i saw may today. in lil india. her usual chirpy self.
i love may.
she was tellin me how curry spilled on her pants.
i miss may.

my magic moments

2005-12-02T14:10:00.000Z

//:my magic moments://

its bn a while since i last blogged.
pretty weird tt i dn really look forward to bloggin as much anymore.
yesterday was a good day.
actually, every day is pretty amazing.
the thought of being with him, of not having to bother about studying.

i do miss sch tho.
have got to go back to clear up the locker. hmph.

i heard tt the 18th's OGL camp commenced today.
i hope they do really well.

blogskin

2005-11-27T11:46:00.000Z

hmph. i was trying to look for a new skin.
but.. they either had those japanese cartoon characters or weird grammar
so, the giraffeeeeeeeeeee would have to suffice. haha. (=

under mounting pressure to update and absolutely no inspiration to do so, this entry is gonna sound silly and dull. so yea. read at ur own peril.

the week has been quite alright. tho the exams are over, i dn seem to be having too much fun. in fact, i almost miss studying.

harj n i were so so so so late for the council thingy yesterday. haha. but it was good seeing bern, heeru and the rest. half the fun was gone cus kelvin didn come so poor bern was all mope-y. *laughs

tho we were late and i didn get to see alfalfa *darn! i had lotsa fun with harj. it felt as incredible as before. u know, talking abt nth constructive n things like tt. (:

yes, i will dearly miss the councillors n i will kill kavee as soon as i can.

denial

2005-11-18T09:40:00.000Z

"I don't know where we're going but we're gone. Where we'll end up, I don't know but that's ok. All I know is that we're going together and the world will just have to wait. I don't know where we going but we're going. When I'm with you, things are always fine. I don't feel so out of place with you....Cause your clock is set in sync with mine".

at the back of my mind, I cant help but contemplate a string of what-ifs. A very futile, time-wasting process. But something I can't help.

when friendships end

2005-11-14T12:50:00.000Z

when recently built friendships end or at least when them seem to have,

there's much consolation in knowing that bestest friends are forever.
thru good times and bad
thru one relationship and the next and the one aft tt
thru all the heartache and tears
thru all the anger and resentment.
two best friends who i couldn live without tho sometimes i act as if i can - harjinder. keshvin.

3 pprs down, a million more to go.
haha.

a levels

2005-11-09T09:55:00.000Z

"doubts can stop u in ur tracks
it can drain away desire;
believing on the other hand,
can set ur world afire.

when u hold the option tt
u can reach tt special dream,
u have the edge needed to make
achieving much easier than it may seem

believing in ur ability
affects the way u act,
and produces an air of confidence
which influences hw others will react

when u believe u can achieve
abd believe it with all ur soul,
u possess a powerful asset
u most likely will reach ur goal."

so, everyone who's taking the exams, press on!
go reach for the stars.

nat king cole

2005-11-02T22:45:00.000Z

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can
Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don’t break it
Love was made for me and you

hehheh. i kinda love this song (=
i guess its a song for the moment.

*smiles

three quotes

2005-10-28T10:50:00.000Z

here are two poems which i found rather interesting n comforting in a way. i hope that whoever reads it enjoys it too.

on faith, when we think god is so far away

"e'en as a nurse, whose child's imperfect pace
can hardly lead his foot from place to place
leaves her fond kissing, sets him down to go,
nor does uphold him for a step or two;
but when she finds that he begins to fall
she holds him up, and kisses him withal:-
so god frm man sometimes withdraws his hand
awhile to teach his infant faith to stand;
but when he sees his feeble strength begin
to fail, he gently takes him up again"
-francis quarles

on joy

"he who bends to himself a joy
doth the winged life destroy:
but he who kisses the joy as it flies
lives in eternity's sunrise"
-william blake

the a's are approaching and with it, a chance to glory.
what we've achievd or how we've failed is immaterial.
what matters is now, lets go out and make ourselves proud.
there really is no point giving up now.
a lot can be done in 2 weeks.
or m i kidding myself?

i wish i was a dog

2005-10-26T21:30:00.000Z

dogs better than humans?
i'm beginning to think so

unlike most of us, DOGS

seize most every opportunity to enjoy the natural world.

can take criticism and blame without resentment.

can face the world without any lies and deceit.

dont complain n bore others with their troubles.

can accept when their loved ones are too busy to give them any time and they dn pull long faces.

have no prejudice about anything

lurve quiz

2005-10-26T21:15:00.000Z

i was bored n took this quiz online. hehheh. its pretty intersting but i'm nt really sure if its true.
i dn think i've ever really been in love, just 'severe like'
apparently, things have changed
*smiles

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love.
You chose the short road. You fall in love quickly and easily.

2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return.
You give 65% and expect 35% in return.

3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems.
You asked the family member to get your significant other. You like to avoid problems and hope that they will solve themselves.

4. The placement of the roses determines how much you like seeing your boy/girlfriend.
You place the roses on the bed. You like to see him/her a lot.

5. This represents your attitude towards his/her personality.
You prefer the person to be asleep, you love the person as the way s/he is.

6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone.
You chose the longer road. You will tend to stay in love for a long time.

firewalking

2005-10-23T07:15:00.000Z

warning!! this entry is pretty much a narration of what's happened over the last few days.

so, here goes.

went to the temple yesterday. and prayed really hard. i guess that faith is pretty much what's keeping me going ryt now. my concepts are pretty shakey. my lit's a gonner and my facts are all getting jumbled up. ohwell.

(i just realized tt ants are captivating little buggers. as i type, they are crawling on my econs notes, carryin little scraps of.. stuff and communicating with each other. they're pretty distracting.)

as i look at the photograph of my severly overweight, highly intellegent but extremely lazy dog cocobun that sits on my study table, i miss the time i was a kid - digging up earthworms in the garden with my brother, getting my dogs 'married' the traditional indian way, trying to shove sweets down their throats and make them drink coke while my dad yelled frm upstairs to make us stop. haha. those were the days.

i want a dog but my mum refuses to get me one. *sulks.

oh, n i love lionel richie. and david wu. and sanjay dutt.
yea, come to think of it, i really do have weird taste (=

sometimes

2005-10-22T20:20:00.000Z

Some times in life, you just reach tt juncture where you dont really know if you're at that juncture because tt's what u chose, tt's where u wanna be or because you're just totally blinded by bright lights.

You feel like you're just standing there, under the 'spotlight', unsure of urself or which road to take and so you just stand there - immobilized.

things tt come to my mind when i think of..

2005-10-21T21:50:00.000Z

The stuff tt characterizes :

keshes - the gym
harjinder - hallelujah
elaine - "the singh thing is ohso fine"
bern - spelling for dummies
may - strawberry lip gloss
kavee - rice sack
raja - econs

the things that they've said or the way they've said it tt stay in my mind n make me smile :

keshes - "if u were a guy, u'd look like kumar"
harjinder - "he's not worth it" / "ermi-tuo-po"
elaine - "if a guy says forever, i'd slap him" / "temmada"
bern - "kelvin is better than alfred" / "shaddup la fool"
may - "nasamapo"
kavee - "premmmmmmmmm" / "why premmmmmmmmmm"
raja - "slack k"

i love them because

keshes - will always be there
harjinder - has always been there
elaine - loves me too
bern - makes me laugh no matter how mad i am
may - smses nonsense. nonsense which nev fails to brighten my day
kavee - *i'm still trying to love him. trying very hard indeed*
raja - how could i not?

the thing i admire most about

keshes - his attitude towards life
harjinder - her perseverance
elaine - her never-say-die attitude
bern - her outlook on love
may - her strong passion
kavee - his ability to listen
raja - his level of tolerance

the things they bring to my life

keshes - a sense of safety
harjinder - warmth
elaine - laughter
bern - joy
may - a whole lot of lameness (part 1)
kavee - a whole lot of lameness (part 2)
raja - euphoria

the new me

2005-10-19T22:06:00.000Z

i often hear of ppl becoming more mature - character wise.
but i think mine's deterriorating.
hurhur.
i feel tt i'm becoming much less strong willed. much more sensitive. a whole lot more analytical. n wat ppl say is actually beginning to get to me - a great deal whereas previously i didn really need anyone's approval.
sounds like a mid life crisis...no?
experiences are supposed to make us learn but i just feel that i'm losing what makes me, ME.
sheesh.

haha. but, what i'm thankful for is harjinder.
at least one thing hasnt changed.

ayn's blog

2005-10-18T20:10:00.000Z

i'm studying and my brain cells are depleting. scary. haha. i got this frm ayn's blog. its pretty...ummm..occupying? (=

I
need: my besties - harj, laine, bern, keshes
cannot: sing. even if my life depended on it
can: ignore all phone calls all day
run: never. hurhur. i'm run-a-laxic
walk: from Pasir Ris to Changi Village
call: when my phones simply refuses to send the sms
turn: when i'm trying to avoid someone
know: success comes thru perseverance
always: procrastinate
sing: sing? i've nev heard tt word before
dance: i'm a brick
adore: ereJ
drink: ice lemon tea. *licks lips
listen: to old songs. hajinder says tt my kinda songs are the kind they use for line dancing. hmph.
smile: when i think of ereJ
read: when i hv no choice
nod: when i'm paying attn to what's being said
write: when i have to
wish: i nev hv to leave the ones i love
hate: school?
like: david wu *laughs
love: he knows*

blue fonts

2005-10-17T22:25:00.000Z

When minutes turn to days and years

When mountains fall, I'll still be here

Holdin you until the day I die

And I wanna be inside your heaven

Take me to the place you cry from

Where the storm blows your way

hurhur

*happy happy happy

sheep skin

2005-10-16T15:27:00.000Z

elaine was unhappy with my "bling bling" skin.
harj complained tt the words were too light.
jac thought the fonts were too small.
i thought the skin was too full - u know, with stuff everywhere.
i think this is easy on the eyes (=

23 days to the big A's.
a few of us are beginning to realize the implications of the A's
a few others are losing hope
and some, like me, are just a case of the heart being strong but the flesh - weak, very weak.

the 18th council do nt really look up to the 17th council
and the 17th council, more often than not, appear nt to look at the 18th as a bunch of capable individuals. the 18th think tt the 17th is trying to put them down.
but, i can safely say tt the 17th councillors do care a whole lot abt the 18th councillors. and i think tt this has been an issue for quite a while - the whole "we dn care abt them" thing. the fact of the matter is tt, frankly speaking, the 18th councillors r having a much easier time than the 17th n that's the reason why they think tt they are better.

well, i for one, think its about time tt we let this whole thing go. i'm sure tt when it comes down to it, the 17th council will defend the 18th council and that's all that matters.

i'll dearly miss sitting at "the table" evry morning.
and i'll dearly miss the way we take a million yrs to do things.

so, here's to a new phase in our journey.

*smiles

love

2005-10-14T11:46:00.000Z

Of late, i hav been wondering why people are so very preoccupied with the notion of Love. Aside frm the family, love is often given more importance than many things in life. It seems to me tt that love and love alone - somehow manages to make up for all the other missing bits and pieces that form our lives. its nt unusual to hear stories of how some love-struck humans live, eat, breathe and dream about the funny thing called love - an unsuspecting victim of Cupid's arrow.

i belive tt love is sth you don't have to search for - it just comes. It does not care if you need it, if you want it. When the time is right, it wriggles its way into your heart and starts to take root before you even realise it.

but then again, why does love, sthe so amazing bring hurt n pain with it?
and sometimes, the fuzzy feeling dies. how nice it wld be then if you could simply pack all the lovely memories into a small pouch called "heart", and move on.

somehow, i still believe in fairytales n everlasting love. i don't believe tt people can actually 'fall out' of love - n if they do, it prolly wasn love in the first place. i dont think tt we cn ever truly stop loving someone we love - we just get used to living without them there.

graduation day

2005-10-13T05:41:00.000Z

i regret being in SR because it has become so incredibly difficult to leave.

i regret having the techers tt i have because they care so much n have made it almost impossible for me to forget all the times i've had in SR.

i regret making the friends tt i've made because some of us will have to go our seperate ways.

i regret joing the council because i dont think i'll be able to say goodbye - to any one of them.

i never realized tt i'd grown to become so attached to SR - until today.

the way the councillors pinned on their badges, the way we sung "that's what friends are for" together, the way we went crazy, the way we've laughed, the way we've cried, the way we've fallen, the way we've picked each other up - SR or rather the memories it has given me.. will stay in my heart.

we ended on a high note today, with the 17th leading the cheer and SRJCians finally screaming their hearts out and today i saw tt the teachers love us, more than we ever could have imagined.

tho i spent five yrs in bedok town n wrote the valedictory speech, i dn think i was half as attached to BTS as i am to SR.

went out with elaine - the crazy lady and got some pretty cool pics. and the crazier thinbg is tt she waited for 2 hrs for me to get done with council without a word.

and i regret having her as a pal - i'll never be able to walk away (=

i've never said this before but i love SRJC - faults and all.

cup or water?

2005-10-12T14:45:00.000Z

Cup or Water?
A group of working adults got together to visit their University lecturer.

The Lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.

The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for themselves.

When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the Lecturer spoke:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously went for the better cups."

"Just like in life, if Life is Water, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold/maintain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."

"If we only concentrate on the cup, we won't have time to enjoy the water in it."

Hmm....

the people

2005-10-10T04:50:00.000Z

this isnt exactly an ENTRY entry. haha. its basically a lil note to thank the people who made my term in council so much more morable and my stay in SR a whole lot more bearable. (",)

MAYGALAI
i think its a pity tt we got to really know each other so late into the council term. but, i really am thankful for having you. your weird antics n making fun of my tamil (which isn really tt funny ok) has truly made u Ms Nasamapo. anyways, i'd like to thank u for the photos and the weirdo notes abd smses tt never fail to make me smile.

KAVEE
if i have to thank u for anything, it would be for constanly messing up my hair and trying to attach stationery to it to try it make it look as horrible as ur hair. oh, and for making the dance thing pretty stressful. haha. u r too tall kavee. and, for throwing me into the water and then trying to be mr nice guy by helping to get me out. well, u have given me a lot of crazy memories and u have been a total weirdo - in every sense of the word. =)

MARK
for teaching me the council song and singing the song from aladdin. for being there whenever i needed someone. for squirting water at me at 7 am. haha.

ALFRED
for promising a coconut plantation and disappearing. you've been an incredible leader, a good friend, (a cute one at tt) and a really confused person.

MARCUS
the laziest creature ever, the guy who never put any pressure on us for anything. way to go head of PR. (",)

BERNI
ur weird antics with kel mske me realize tt my life isnt so miserable after all. the person who laughs at the silliest things and tries really hard to sound intellectual. the one who's always made me relaize how mundane my woes were.

HARJINDER
we go evrywhere together. my absolute fav councillor. really. need i say more?

i love u guys, ohsomuch.

the little things

2005-10-09T22:07:00.000Z

"everyone is trying to accomplish something big without realizing tt life is made up of little things" - Frank A. Clark

so, in this mad race for excellence, let's not lose sight of what truly matters.

(=

could hv, shd hv

2005-10-09T12:50:00.000Z

have u ever taken a step back frm the hustle bustle of things and asked yourself what could've been if u took another path, if it could've changed ur destiny. and then u ask urself is this what u really want n if u'd ventured into sth else, what could've come out of that, would it have been better?

i know i have.

i'm right at the bottom of the "heirarchy" of the one who means quite a bit to me.
and the odd thing is tt the person doesnt even know tt the nonchalence i'm being shown matters a whole lot to me. haha. but i guess things are interesting because they are complicated. i mean, after all, this person is
the one who makes me laugh
the one who bothers to entertain my really lame smses
the one who tries to show me tt he really does care
the one i believe i can count on.

*yea, after typing it out, i've come to re-realize tt perhaps he shows tt he cares in more practical ways. and i'm thankful tt i have him.

harjinder says i over - read btw the lines, tt i ovr analyze things, and finally, i cant disagree.

life's boxes

2005-10-08T14:15:00.000Z

The Two BoxesI have in my hands two boxes
Which God gave me to hold
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black,
And all your joys in the gold."
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes
Both my joys and sorrows I store
But though the gold became heavier each day
The black was as light as before
With curiosity, I opened the black
I wanted to find out why
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole
Which my sorrows had fallen out by
I showed the hole to God, and mused aloud,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be."
He smiled a gentle smile at me.
"My child, they're all here with me."
I asked, "God, why give me the boxes,
Why the gold, and the black with the hole?"
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
the black is for you to let go."

so, i have a lot to be thankful for.
but, why is tt when we attain our goals, we want more and more and more.
and then, we aren't statisfied with what we've achieved any longer.
funny isnt it? the way the human mind works.

sometimes, moments are sparked off.
moments when i sit and think and question things tt hv been going on in my life, times when i question my relationships with others and try to distance myself. (:
sometimes, i have a lot of these moments.
but its the thing tt keeps me sure that i have friends - real friends.

i was randomly reading my previous posts and it dawned on me again how elaine supported me when i needed her most. a bus ride is all we need to trash things out. haha. i love u babe.

and i also saw tt there has been a whole lot of "politic-ing" between harjinder and myself. sometimes, i ask myself wld we still be friends, in the true sense of the word if not for the councillors and elaine? we've been thru a lot of unnecessary crap but, she's someone i've came to adore. haha. (=
and i love her. much.

and, i love HIM many many too.

a post tht caught my attn

2005-10-07T20:37:00.000Z

a post tt caught my attn.

"You start looking back at everything...

You start pondering things for what they really are...

You see things without the happiness...

You magnify the faults...

You see the reality for things that they are...

You wonder how happy you really were...

You feel maybe things weren't that fantastic...

You start to wonder if you really care...

You want to get away but you can't..."

i've begun thinking.
(:

And now it seems my world's complete
And I never want this moment to end
I close my eyes and still I see
My dreams become reality
And now I now how it feels to be in love
I prayed so many nights that you would come my way

I'm gonna make it turn out right
I wanna be your everything and by your side
For the rest of my life this love
Feels the way that love should be
Look in my eyes and realise there's no disguise
'Cos I'm in love with you

*yes, i can be sappy.

results (=

2005-10-06T22:13:00.000Z

oooh, my lit results are atrocious.
Utopian was good but shakespeare, myohmy, an all time low (=
haha. that aside.

i see so many people who are abt the same age as me applyin for jobs tt could possibly be their career and i'm quite awed. (=
i mean, i dont think i have any real idea about what i'd like to pursue in the future. the stuff tt i'm passionate about either pay really poorly of have very stringent entry requirements.

i'd like to be a pre sch teacher but that doesnt pay too well.
or, i'd like to work with disabled children or the elderly, so i guess, i'd hv to go find out abt possible job prospects.
then, i'd like to be a lawyer and for tt i'd prolly need all A's, so tt option's pretty much out the window.

but, i'm still hopeful.
there's still approximately 30 days.
the scary thing is tt these 30 days could make me or break me. *sheesh

on a lighter note, i'm kinda upbeat about things.
i passed econs. *yay!

and i had lotsa fun with harjinder - we unleashed our frustrations thru the amazing thing called - gossip.
perhaps it wasnt really gossip, just crapping around. the usual. haha.

*yes, we never mean any harm (=

And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would (s)he ever doubt the way I feel
About h(er)im in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will (s)he know how much I loved h(er)im
Did I try in every way
To show h(er)im every day
That (s)he's my only one

haha.
*smiles

the bigger picture

2005-10-05T08:03:00.000Z

on the second balli blasts.

"Religion is the reason,
The world is breaking up into pieces
Colour of the people,
Keeps us locked in hate please release us

So Come down and help us,
Save all the little ones
They need a teacher,
And you are the only one
We can rely on,
To build a better world
A world that's for children,
A world that's for everyone"

the world has become such an unsafe place.
one moment you're on a holiday, in paradise and the very next moment, you're world's been blown apart, your life turned inside-out.

i really do wonder what the world is coming to. there are so many natural disasters like the tsunami and the like which take the lives of thousands, yet, us humans haven't really learnt to live with each other.

and why do the terrorists target defenceless people? why not fight with the people they are on par with? why take children away frm their parents and parents frm their children? why throw the world into such upheaval? why cause so much grief?

are we really all tt different? i dont think so.

finally

2005-10-04T22:30:00.000Z

i've finally changed the blogskin. Hurrah!

i hope this one's accessible. (=

todays been pretty good. i finally got over 27 for my essay.

*its pretty long but is an interestin read (=

On the subject of man, dogs, monkeys and cows.

On the very first day of the world, God created the cow.

He said to the cow: "Ah Gu (cow), today I have created you! Your job is to
go to the field with the farmer all day long. You will provide the energy
to pull things! You will also provide milk for people to drink! You are to
work all day under the sun! In return, you will only eat grass. For that,
you will have a life span of 50 years."

Ah Gu objected.
"What.. I work all day in the sun and I get only to eat grass! On top of
that, I have to give my milk away! This is tough and you want me to live 50
years! I'll take 20 and you can have the remaining 30 years back!"

God agreed.

On the next day, God created the dog.
He said to the dog. "Ah Kow (dog), I have created you for a purpose. You
are to sit all day by the door of your master's house! Should anyone come
in, you are to bark at them! In return, you will eat your master's
leftovers. I'll give you a life span of 20 years."

Ah Kow objected.
" What! I have to sit by the door all day and will need to bark at people,
and what do I get... LEFTOVERS...
This isn't right, I'll take 10 and you can have the remaining 10 years
back!"

God agreed again.

On the third day, God created the monkey.
He said to the monkey: "Lao Kao (monkey), your job is to entertain people.
You will make them
laugh, act stupid and make faces! You will also do somersaults and swing on
trees to amaze them. In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts.
For that, I'll give you 20 years to live."

Naturally the monkey objected.
"This is ridiculous! I gotta make faces and make people laugh, let not even
come to the part about the trees and somersaults. Tell you what, I'll give
10 years of my life to thank you for my existence and I'll take 10. What do
you think?"

God agreed again.

On the forth day, God created humans.
God said to the man: "You are my best piece of work, for that, you will
only need to sleep, eat,sleep, play, eat, sleep again and do nothing else.
You will get to eat all the best things and play with the best toys. All
you need to do is enjoy your life. For this kinda of life, I'll give you
20 years."

Just like the rest, the man objected.

"What, all I need to do is relax and enjoy myself and I have only 20 years
to live? Tell you what, you've 30 years back from Ah Gu, 10 years from Ah
Kow and another 10 from Lao Kao and you probably don't know what to do with
all those lifes. Why not I take them all and I'll have 70 years to live?"

God...being such good natured, agreed with a smile.....

AND THAT IS WHY.....

We eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years of our lives when we
are growing up.

Work like a cow for the next 30 to raise our family.

Sit outside the door and bark at people for the next 10 when we are
retired.

And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren for the final 10 years.

=)

2005-10-02T14:07:00.000Z

council

2005-09-29T23:15:00.000Z

hmm. my time in SRJC is coming to an end.
my, time really has flown by.
i dn have many memories of my time in SR.
but the ones i hold close to my heart are the memories shared with the councillors.

~ being dumped in the water. not knowing how to swim. mark being a doll. funny how i only got to know him after RnE but really came to trust him.

~ all the times when we hald reallly long briefing sessions and i'd be hoping for council to end. and when the council term did end, i wanted a chance to re live it.

~ trying my best to evade the mass dance.

~ the steamboat thing. the east coast thing when only harjinder, kabi, karthik turned up on time.

i've come to love all the councillors. and i know for sure that when i leave SR, u guys are the only ones i'm gonna miss. =(

and i guess, i'd kinda miss the weirdos of 2a1 (=

<3

2005-09-28T11:45:00.000Z

-thou art the armourer of my heart-

i miss keshes so very much. haha.
i miss harjinder lots too. =)

" when we want to do something, there are 1000
reasons for doing so; when we do not want to do
something, there are 1000 excuses for not doing so."

hmph.

i gotta mugmug mug. i'm mugging my life away.

2005-09-26T20:12:00.000Z

i gotta mugmugmug. i'm mugging my life away.

today, after a long long time, i'm feeling inspired. i think its great tt although its 35 days to the A's and many of us are far from prepared, the teachers haven't given up hope in us. and that, makes me believe. and if this feeling holds up, i'll be able to do it. i can't afford to trip and fall now, so i'll have to give it my all.

so, now, i'll muster everthing in me and make a dash for the finish line. i know all of us can. tho i wonder how i'm gonna master a year's work in a month. =)

i met 2k today. its amazing how i didn realize how much i missed her until i met her. hmph. its great tt after our misunderstandsings and stuff we're still pretty close. i like.

haha. i also almost forgot what it felt like to be tickled by elaine, to have my palms scribbled on, to yell for berni to help and to squirm out of elaine's reach.

let me be there

2005-09-25T06:53:00.000Z

Let me be there
<3

Wherever you go
Wherever you may wonder in your life
Well surely you know, I always wanna be there
Holding your hand
And standing by to catch you when you fall
Seeing you through, in everything you do
I said let me be there in your morning
Let me be there in your night
Let me change whatever's wrong and make it right
Let me take you to that wonderland that only two can share
All I ask you, is let me be there
Watching you grow
And going through the changes in your life
That's how I know, I always wanna to be there
Whenever you feel you need a friend to lean on
Here I am
Whenever you call, you know I'll be there

fren vs beau

2005-09-24T03:30:00.000Z

friends vs beau

i've been wondering, in the event that i find that really special someone, who would come first - my friends or the beau? i've always thought friends. but somehow, i'm not so sure.

there's just always one person who will be the most important and tt undoubtedly is keshes. we've grown up together and he's always been there for me. always. and i love him to bits. i guess tt that's the one person who's right on top my social "heirarchy." haha.

and of course, the opinions of my besties do count too - harjinder, elaine n bern.

friends are forever

no matter how many sad sppeches i receive, i really dn believe tt yesterday was the last time the whole council'll be seen together. come on, i'm sure we'll always be buddies. anyways, each one of u hold a special place in my heart. =P
*yes, even weirdos like berni n kel.

harjinder and i hv been spending quite a bit of time together and it feels good.
to think, alfred n mark helped salvage tt friendship. haha. we've come so far.

hakunamatata =P

he's the best

2005-09-20T23:28:00.000Z

he's the best. he's perfect.. to me.
and for the first time ever, i'm so sure.
its a good feeling.
its like euphoria.
its being on cloud nine.
;)

-

2005-09-20T11:27:00.000Z

the a's are approaching.. really fast.. its almost like there's no time to sit back, take a breath, marvel over what u've done so far, and then, with renewed energy, prepare for the last lap, the last leg of the race - the most excruciating part.

i wish i could just.. i dunno.. focus on other things ryt now but if i do tt.. well, i can't do tt. *sheesh*

i dn think tt education here is abt "widening ur horizons", its simply about making urself more marketable in the future. most of us done study to "acquire knowledge" we just do it cause we have to, cause of the competition in singapore.

i some kids rushing to school every mornin, like there's nothing more to being a kid than going to school and getting the a's. i know of pre schoolers who go for tuition so they'd hv a headstart. and, i think its freaky. tt kids aren't allowed to be kids.

well, i guess i shd hit the books. again. i know i can, i know we all can if we put our minds to it and i know that the reward will be great. why then is it so hard for me to get down to it and not feel like i'm missing out on something else?

perhaps i'm just lazy but i feel that i'm missing out on sth that is more impt to me but i dn even know what tt is. perhaps i just want to "live" - to take in every moment, to have fun. but i guess there'll be plenty of time for tt after the a's.

i've got to sit down and start preparing harder.

easier said than done.
or is it?

frens

2005-09-19T22:51:00.000Z

i'm supposed to be revising for lit but i miss blogging. anyways, i was blog hopping and i got this from harj's blog.

Which one of your CLOSEST FRIENDS [is]:-

The Loudest? - Elaine Teng is the undisputed queen of everything loud.
The Quietest? - Selina?
The Smartest? - I think all of em are little geniuses in their own right. =P
The Not-So-Smartest? - We all hv our "not-so-smart" moments better known as "un-glam" moments.
The Tallest? - Raja.
The Shortest? - i'm short but Selina's the shortest. Yay!
The Weirdest? - Kavee. i mean who else is capable of blogging about thosais?
The Funniest? - hmph. Bern? na, tt's just warped sarcasm. elaine? na, tt qualifies for lameness. but they all crack me up.
Just Doesn't Care About Anything? - i was thinking Bern but now she cares.. about kelvin.
Cares About Anything? - we're all care abt sth.. no?
The Most Artistic? - if sanskrit qualifies as a form of art, then harjinder wins.
The Most Musical? - Bern can sing (i can howl) =P
The One That Doesn't Shut Up? - Elaine seems to be getting popular here.
The Loner? - Keshes. my darlin keshes.
Gets High The Most? - Elaine! Elaine! oh and May for strange reasons.
The act-cute? - i dn intend to get beaten up just yet ;)
Acts a lot like you? - the whole unique thing aside.. i'd say we all kinda are the same.
The SPECIAL PEOPLE? - Keshes. Raja. Harjinder. Elaine. Bern.

new modem

2005-09-19T08:31:00.000Z

yay! i'm finally back online.

i just realize tt I believe in Fate. I thank Fate for introducing friends into my life, just like the way I blame Fate when the littlest things go wrong with my pathetic little life.

"As I grow older, i see tt friendships are becoming more like investments or business transactions, rather than relationships we hold close to our hearts. We make use of each other. It’s the reality of life. Face it, you need certain individuals to get you along in life, so you treat them as your “friends” just in case you need their assistance in future. We’re all sucked into a vicious cycle. It’s superficial and it saddens me, but sometimes being hypocritical is essential for survival in this twisted little world we’re living in."
which is why i thank fate cus i think i've found the awesomest people in keshes, raja, harj, elaine, bern, may, kavee n all the other mmbers of the 17th =P * u guys really are the best*

i'm really really glad that finally, ereJ. tt's the best feeling ever. a day closer to the a's, a day closer to the end of the a's, a day closer to ereJ. somehow, i can't wait because i truly believe tt ereJ is as good as it gets and i'm really really happy. its a great warm, fuzzy joy.

got my modem replaced

2005-09-19T01:30:00.000Z

so, finally, i've got my modem replaced and i'm kinda happy to be back online =)

"As I grow older, friendships are becoming more like investments or business transactions, rather than relationships we hold close to our hearts. We make use of each other. It’s the reality of life. Face it, you need certain individuals to get you along in life, so you treat them as your “friends” just in case you need their assistance in future. We’re all sucked into a vicious cycle. It’s superficial and it saddens me, but sometimes being hypocritical is essential for survival in this twisted little world we’re living in." tts why i'm so thankful cus i think i've found the awesomest friends in keshes, harj, bern, elaine, may, kavee, alfred, mark, and the other councillors.

and i just realized tt i believe in Fate. I thank Fate for introducing those special people into my life, just the way I blame Fate when the littlest things go wrong with my pathetic little life.kinda weird huh?

Just like things happen for a reason, we meet people in our lives for a purpose as well.

anyways, i've bn thanking fate lately. firstly cus the prelims hv been rather do-able. ( the results will be a whole different matter =P ) secondly cus finally, ereJ.

and i also think tt the whole concept of love is kinda ironic.
u know the whole give everything but don expect anything in return thing?
its happiness and its pain. its the best and the worst. but still, i kinda believe in it. *huggles*

17th vs 18th

2005-08-15T20:26:00.000Z

i'm very sure that we are better than the 17th...no offence but we got our invitation and banner designs all approved on that day...and e issue was..we gave them the proposals thatday and it was approved on that day itself too!yay!! i'm so proud of my design...it's chosen for the invitation card!!

i just felt compelled to respond to this entry.

when i look at mmbrs of the 18th council, i dont see people who are inferior to the 17th councillors. i see people who are different. and, when i look at the 17th, i dont see councillors who are "better" than the 18th. instead, i see people who hve put in their best, people who have tripped along the way, people who have pulled each other up, people who have weathered the storms of being part of the council.

when the 17th stepped into office, the 16th were our biggest supporters. after all, we can be the 15th, the 16th, the 17th or the 18th, but we are still part of the larger group, the council.

our contributions, our work style could have differed very greatly from the 18th, our proposals cld hv been rejected 200000 times, but thru it all, we persevered and came out as a single united grp. and to me, thats what truly matters.

to the 18th sc, u guys give us too little credit
to the 17th sc, why dn we give them a chance to prove that they are better?

i love the 17th.

perfection

2005-08-13T07:30:00.000Z

P E R F E C T I O N ?

Have you ever experienced the feeling of how someone can seem so perfect to you at one stage...and a few months down the road seem so dull? how can someone or something be perfect at one stage yet so dull in such a short while?

What is perfection anyway? Perfection is defined as the "state of being without a flaw or defect"...but really isn't perfection just an illusion created in the mind...everything has a flaw or defect...every person has a flaw or defect...its just what you dont see and the extent to which you can deal with these flaws is what makes you believe something or someone is perfect...

It's funny how fast perfection fades into something so ordinary...who can deny that feeling of someone feeling so perfect to you...you can't find anything wrong with them...its just how long that feeling can last which is the difference between a real relationship and something else...

national day

2005-08-11T08:00:00.000Z

the national day celebration at school by the 18th SC was quite alright =P
i rmbr the time when the 17 SC organized it. wow, time really does fly.
its really nice when the sch spirit is at a high and it was really great when heeru joined us for our singalong session. =D

and after that, harj made me walk up and down and up and down and up and down again to look for sth that can be found in tampines. outrageous.. no? haha. at least we managed to find sth nice n pink. *winks*

i miss harj! i miss raja! i miss teasing bern and kelvin. but bern, don worry, i'll be back. *grins*

friends

2005-08-07T00:18:00.000Z

There's 3 types of friends, I think. If you're in trouble or pain,

Type 1: would turn a blind eye and suddenly be too wrapped up in school or work. Though usually they ARE and if that's more important, then that's ok (I'm not by any means putting these people down here, everybody has different values and priorities and I can't say that I haven't been this type of person before).

Type 2: would hear you out but then get scared. What? You're depressed? Oh my gawd... I think she's going phycho. Let's drift from him and warn our other friends about her so we have something to bitch about. That's to some extent understandable too I guess. I've heard stories about some really scary depressed people who cling on to you and my friends have drifted from them, a move which I myself agreed to - though I think if it was a good friend, I would never do that. The type I'd drift from are the type who meet you for 2 seconds and then tell you their entire life story then call you every hour to update you on new life dramas and expect you to do something about it. Now THOSE people are scary! I hope I will never turn into one of those

But yeah I guess it just sucks when you let yourself out to people you think are genuine to you and after they hear you out they suddenly become a type 2 friend. Then there's ppl who you always thought were type 1 or type 2 friends but they're actually type 3 and it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Type 3s: would hear you out, try to understand your point of view even though they don't really, give you advice and let you vent without complaining. They'd ask you how you're feeling for the next few days instead of pretending nothing happened coz they don't want to ask or are too scared to ask. They're really there for you whenever you need them. These type of friends are hard to come by and it's hard to tell which ones they are in a room full of friends who all appear to care and want to hug you.

so i wanna say thank u to all my type three friends,
harjinder - who always listens and always says the same things cus she dozen know what to say =)

elaine - who always cracks me up and makes me see how i'm over analysing things but sometimes she makes me over analyse things. ;P

bern - for making me see how truly silly i can be. =D

raja - who pretty much is like harjinder. he listens and trys to say sth sweet. *but i think that cus he thinks i could be suicidal or is just burst out in tears or just hit him or sth. haha*

mark - a definate type 3. haha. the one i called when i panicked and the one who came to help tho he thought i was kidding and was really busy =)

alfred - the president who spoke to both me and harj and made us work things out and is still arnd for me to send silly smses to.

may & kavee - the two people who are so crazy, they make me crazy too.

and my all time fav, keshes - the one i can talk to about anything and can get constructive critcism from.

now, i'm curious to know what kinda freind i am, so, hurry up and have life dramas so I can see if I'm really such a great friend or I'm just another common type 1/2 who tries to disguise myself as a type 3.

kelvin and bern. forever.

2005-08-01T22:28:00.000Z

in a note written during gp tutorial today, 1 aug 05 at 0910hrs.me : "is it me or are u weird? no, its not me, its u. you're weird. really. ewwww kelvin. ugh. its so weird that i cant even think in complete sentences! stop! tag on my blog everyday just to see kelvin's name. eeeeee"

bern : "okay. fine! u wanna hear it. kelvin. kelvin. kelvin. kelvin. i may have a major infatuation with him but nothing that needs me to go crazy over."

in a note during mr singh's tutorial.
"bernadine is no 1 to kelvin."

my conversation with miss g at 1525 hrs.me : miss g, do u know kelvin?

miss g : there are two right?

me : i mean the one in the 17 sc. the parade commander.

miss g : oh yeah, the year two one la?

me : yes. bern likes him.

elaine : *grins*

miss g : bernadine? i thought she'd like someone like isa.

me : she likes kelvin. she said so.

miss g : really? i must tease her in class

me : dont forget ok miss g.

elaine : *grins*

an so begins chapter 1 of the great love story. hehe.

today

2005-07-29T22:15:00.000Z

firstly, a big thank u to may for the card tho i got mine LAST. even MARCUS got his before i did. its outrageous. =P anyway, it was really sweet. so yeah, i love may.

also, elaine, thanks for gettin the sweets. i know that i know that i love her to bits. and there was no one to violate my privacy today cus elaine wasn in sch.

and bern reads my blog EVERYDAY. shes nev done that before. well, she wants me to let ALL readers of this blog know that she has the hots for kelvin!

its a lame lame entry, i know, but the test's tomorro and bern insisted that i put the story of her crush on my blog. ;)

and you, you've been pretty amazing.

things i don understand

2005-07-25T22:00:00.000Z

there are quite a few things i dont understand now. haiz.

went with elaine to elias today. so, the japanese guy isnt japanese, he's chinese =P
elaine makes me totally adore her, i have no choice, i can't fight it. hahaha
and just because i love one doesnt mean i don love the other or love the other any less. i love em both. *big grin*

life

2005-07-24T02:25:00.000Z

more bombings. what is the world coming to?
why are all of us killing each other?

its just weird. everyday, everyone is rushing around, be it to work or to school. everyone wants to be the best at everything even if it is at someone else's expense.
so many people are dying everyday. yet, how many of us take the time to truly appericiate the finer things in life - loved ones? why is it that we are so caught up with making money?

i was out at abt 12 today - lunchtime and everyone was rushing. even at a time to relax, people were rushing. are we so obsessed with success as we know it that we dont really care about much else?

i think that today, people pursue careers which pay well rather than what they are passionate about. children are sent to school to study to be more sellable later. why are we so caught up with the future that we forget the present?

i guess i'm just rambling but the bombings in egypt made me realize how fragile life is. hmph.

well, i think that elaine and i are getting closer. haha the gal just cracks me up but she can be deep.. tho very rarely. =P
i miss harjinder
n bern likes kel. really

frm this moment on

2005-07-23T00:25:00.000Z

"From This Moment On"

(I do swear that I'll aways be there.
I'd give anything and everything and I will always care.
Through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow,
for better or worse, I will love you with
every beat of my heart.)
From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

this song reminds me of quite a few ppl. elaine n bern in particular. i love them.
i miss harj n raja. hmph. the four best ppl ever.

yesterday. today

2005-07-20T07:00:00.000Z

stepped down yesterday. =( i think that the new batch of councillors look really smart. i guess that yesterday, the 17th and the 18th were "one." i'm kinda happy to hv passed the baton.

went for the 17th dinner and it was good - the whole council together. everyone looked great. yian pin's skirt was really mini, chui ting was sexy, bern was pretty glammed up, harj was a total babe. dixie fried prawns and may tried to poison us.
i love the councillors so very much.
i hope that every morning we'll still be there at "our table." and yeah, we have thins really strong bond, a bond that i doubt can be broken.

went out today. i had a great time. =)
so thanks yeah, it was lots better than i expected tho the train ride was kinda traumatising.

history test tomorrow. bummer. have got to study. miss the gang already.

we're stepping down

2005-07-18T22:10:00.000Z

the 17th SC will be stepping down tomorrow. and it feels both good and bad. good because i'll have more time to study and do other stuff and bad cus i'll miss the councillors but i know that, yes, our friendships will last, for a really long time to come.

the 18th SC looks really good and i'm proud of them, i believe that they will do a fantastic job.

oh, and now i'm love with the quote "thou art the armourer of my heart."
awww. is antony sweet or what? no wonder cleo was head over heels.
mahahahaha.

stepping down

2005-07-14T22:42:00.000Z

it feels rather nostalgic now that i'm almost stepping down. i wanna step down and yet i wanna be a part of the council. i think its weird cus we maintained a pretty good rapport with the 16th so they kinda always could feel like a part of us but its dif with the 18th. i dont think that they our very big fans of the 17th. ohwell.

it'd be really sad, giving up the gold badge, the badge that i am very proud of. and when i read the entries of councillors frm other jcs, i feel kinda disheartened. i mean, all the elects are so enthusiastic abt getting invested and are counting down but i'm not too sure that its the same in SR. anyways, i think that jane is doing an incredible job leading the 18th.

tomorrow'll be our last "friday meeting" as councillors. i have been counting down to this day... but now that its almost here, i dont want it to come. i guess it'd be sth interesting - passing the baton.

i love the councillors.

thanks

2005-07-13T18:47:00.000Z

a big thanks to vickland for helping me out with the inves thingy. =)

school tomorro. bummer.
i love elaine.
miss harj and bern.

.for now, for always.

2005-07-12T19:08:00.000Z

. for now, for always .

i just felt like putting that up for no particular reason. karan is MIAing with my very important information on SAJC's investiture. grrrr. exactly a week to go before the end of the council term. i have been majorly looking forward to the end of the council term, i expected to be jumping for joy but now that its finally here. ayayayayayai. i'd love to go back to 21 july 2004. i think that the greatest memories i'd take away from SRJC are from council, being with the councillors.

i wonder if i'm still going for the SA dance thing. *hints* =P

raja is the sweetest thing ever. so is karan. totally adore u guys. =)

i'm kinda mixed up about uknowwho. i mean at times uknowwho is really sweet but sometimes uknowwho just clings to my nerves. haiz. i need to start studying. where has my will gone???

harj asked me if i'd like to go for the nus thing and i really appreciate the fact that harjz significant other dozen hate my guts. i would hate me if i was harjz's special one. hahahaha. but harj shd be happy that she's got a highly protective bestie. so much has gone on with us. i'm so happy to be where we are.

elainey. totally miss her. burney. i got coupons. hahahaha

pretty cool

2005-07-11T22:00:00.000Z

i down with a bad flu. =(
i miss the gang. =(

got this from karan's blog. its pretty cool... no?

Not familiar with rejection lines? Here's what we really mean. So get a hint, ok, guys? Seesh.

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that f**king pest. And I'm not into incest either.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest freak I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend (He's my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. I don't date men where I work. (Actually, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have fun with. It's that male perspective thing)

names

2005-07-10T14:56:00.000Z

i've put up many dif names on my blog. and i've decided that there'll only be a few that'll ALWAYS stay.
1) keshes
2) harjinder
3) elaine
4) bernadine
5) raja
i know that these people are for always.